New, old birth photos.

I just went through all the photos on the computer and realised that there's a few birthy ones I'd like to add! Consider it a second, pictorial birth story. Full birth story (with other pics) is but a click away!

About an hour or so in, just settling into the pool.

Getting heavy now.

Midwife telling the kids all about it, baby is actually past crowning in this pic! Not that you can tell from this angle

OMG it really IS a baby! Like OMG! Who knew!?

I waited four births for this photo. The photo where my face has every emotion under sun written there for everyone to read. Every woman should have a photo (or five) like this.

Me, high on hormones, him high on new life

Daddy's first cuddle

Big sister's first cuddle, she hates this photo, but I reckon at 4:30 in the morning, after you just saw your baby brother being born it's a pretty good one!

First cuddle with big brother

And I'll leave you with a photo of the person whom all the fuss was about! This baby is a homebirth after two caesareans, yes two, and a previous stillbirth. When people ask me why I wanted a homebirth I answer 
"because I've done it in hospital and it stank"  




  If I can have a homebirth, you can too!

Formula for Disaster

Firstly -->

Happy World Breast Feeding Week!

Now,

In Australia where I live there are guidelines about how formula can be advertised, but we still catch artificial baby milk producers out. There are supposed to be no advertisements for baby formula, however toddler formula is frequently advertised across all mediums, and sometimes they sneakily slip in a picture of newborn ABM (Artificial Baby Milk). 

Formula was first created in the 1920's, probably for the right reasons, however there was money to be made, and where there's money there's usually unscrupulous people not too far behind. At first formula must have been a wonderful convenience for women who genuinely couldn't breast feed. However those women were surrounded by women who could breast feed so they had a trouble shooting team in the house next door, if not in their own home. Formula wouldn't have been something they viewed as a choice, it would have been a last resort.  

ABM companies weren't stupid. They latched on (pardon the pun) to this niche market and when the money started coming in, they decided that expanding their business would be rather nice. So they began marketing formula more aggressively.

I know a lot of women who breast feed, and many of them have struggled in the early days. The breast feeding advocates made a big error in their marketing by telling women that it is natural. Yes, it's very natural, but so is an earth quake, so are killer bees. Need I say more? 

Formula companies wanted to get rich quickly. Their get rich quick scheme was to to sell even more formula than was necessary and their strategy was to undermine mothers who really weren't having any trouble at all. The messages they sold as FACT, were pure FICTION, but they permeated every single facet of our society. 

• Tell them their milk isn't good enough
• Tell them their milk is insufficient 
• Tell them that bottle feeding is a sign of affluence
• Tell them bottle feeding is modest
• Tell them bottle feeding is convenient 

And hey presto! Billions of dollars for ABM companies! 

92% of women initiate breast feeding when they give birth in an Australian hospital. By three months a miniscule 56% are still feeding, and by six months only 14% of women in Australia are still breast feeding.  By these statistics, we can assume one of two things. Either it is remarkable that we survived as a species given that we are so unable to feed our young, or that women have drastically lost confidence in their body's ability to grow, birth, and nourish a baby. 

In Australia this has huge ramifications for our health care system. However in countries where there is no access to clean water, high illiteracy rates,  and extreme poverty, formula has been an absolute disaster.  In countries where women know they can breast feed, formula companies have had to use a different marketing approach. They tell women formula is superior to breast milk, that it will make their baby stronger, smarter, and reduce the chances of diarrhea. 

In countries where babies die of diarrhea daily, this is a pretty nifty marketing ploy ... but it's an outright lie and it results in babies dying more frequently. Women don't have access to clean water, so there are diseases in the formula by the time it's given to their baby, and other women can't read the directions so they don't know how to mix it up correctly. Poor woman can't afford to buy enough formula (remember that billions of people survive on less than $1 a day) so they water the formula down to make it last.  

Babies are dying. Formula companies don't care and no one holds them accountable. The World Health Organisation has a set of guidelines relating to the marketing of ABM, but ABM companies don't abide by guidelines. Why should they? Nothing negative happens to THEM when they don't! It's time the watch dog grew some teeth.

Some bright spark got the idea to start a National Formula Feeding awareness week, because it is currently National Breast Feeding Awareness Week. Well I couldn't agree more! Let's raise awareness of the dangers of formula feeding! Let's raise awareness of the politics that drive formula producing companies.  Let's raise awareness of the environmental impact of bottle feeding. Let's start milk banks to provide REAL baby milk to those women who genuinely can't breast feed. Let's stop allowing the promotion of bottle as a choice. Let's give our babies the best start in life that they can possibly get!

Let's raise awareness of how LESS THAN 1% OF WOMEN REALLY CAN'T BREAST FEED! 

The Wonders of Mother's Milk

Today Angus got a nasty scratch from the neighbour's dog's claw. Given the fact that they only time the dog is ever not walking around in its' own shit is when we walk it, I was rather concerned about it causing an infection, especially because the scratch begins quite literally a millimetre from his eye.

We didn't want to use tea tree oil on it because it's so close to his eye and would hang around for ages with the potential to be rubbed in his eye. We knew salt would sting. Garlic would also sting. I posted on facebook asking what other hippy mamas would suggest and they all suggested the same thing. The most obvious thing to a fellow hippy mama, but I'd over looked it completely!

MAMA'S MILK! 

So I painstakingly expressed by hand. I probably only got about 5mls all up, but that's enough to wipe his scratch with, and I can give it another go later. This got me to thinking of all the magical uses for mama's milk, so I thought I'd make a list!

Mama's milk is full of amazing antibacterial properties

• cleaning a wound
• treating a burn
• conjunctivitis
• cradle cap
• one mama used it for an ear infection
• to stop soap from stinging your child's eyes 
• eczema 
• acne
• mozzie or other insect bites
• cold sores
• chapped or dry lips
• facial cleanser - what could be gentler? 
• nappy rash
• can aid the digestive system of cancer patients
• cooking food!
• boosting the immunity of the whole family from the baby up
• warts 
• external or internal ulcers

And there are probably plenty more uses! Add your own in the comments or tell us your story about healing with booby juice.

The Quiet Breastfeeding Nazi

I don't consider myself to be a breastfeeding nazi. I'm just pro breastfeeding and anti formula. I'm not anti women who formula feed though, just anti formula company. I don't have a single nice thing to say about companies who produce artificial baby milk. They seem to do nothing but undermine natural baby feeding, break WHO advertising codes, and make mega bucks. 

As I was feeding my baby the other night I was reading something about how special breast feeding is, and I thought to myself "but I don't think it IS special". Sure I was sad when my older two weaned (one at 6 months, one at 4.5years) but I didn't feel really special when I was feeding them. 

Not that it isn't special, but any time we spend with our babies is special. Any sweet little smile they give us, any time they sleep in our arms, the way they love us so unconditionally, it's all lovely. Breast feeding is just normal, like giving your baby a sandwich but easier.

I'm not lucky that I breast feed, my baby isn't lucky, we're just normal. It didn't come easily to me with any of the kids, I had to work really hard to get it right. I had a lot of pain in the early days with all of them. And with the first, it shot my confidence to bits and was the first of the steps that led to failure. And I don't think I I failed, coz I really wanted to breastfeed. I think that society failed me and my daughter by telling us that "breast is best, formula is good enough". The underlying message in that is that we can't always have what's best, but what's good enough is, well, it's good enough!

Breast is best, yes .... but it's just normal. Formula is not best, and it's only normal in cultures where breasts are sexualised and images of bottle feeding are plastered everywhere, from feeding rooms to children's books, soap operas, ads for formula but not breastfeeding etc. The symbol for baby is often a bottle! If that doesn't normalise it I don't know what does.

There will always be women who are unable to breast feed, but these women should feel no guilt. I don't feel guilt for not successfully feeding my first child, and it wasn't a physical hinderance, it was a societal lack of support that broke the back of our feeding relationship.  I don't feel guilty about it and I would never want another woman to feel guilty either. 

I'm a bit tired of the whole "don't say this or that because it might make women feel guilty" stuff that permeates every discussion about breast vs artificial milk. If you genuinely can't breast feed why feel guilty? Do you feel guilty for not being able to run fast!? 

If you can breast feed but choose not to, and you feel guilt, then maybe you should take a closer look at why you would "choose" not to breast feed. Do better next time, but don't waste time with guilt once you have thought it all through. 

I resent being called a nazi. I've never killed anyone, but artificial baby milk companies are responsible for deaths every day! I simply state the truth. That given support, the vast and overwhelming majority of women in the world can and do breastfeed perfectly well.

So next time you see me posting on facebook, or on my blog, about how women can breastfeed don't label me a nazi, because that's just offensive. Have a look at your beliefs about baby feeding, about your own body and ability to do what you are biologically designed for. 

Have a look at the way your culture has made breast feeding seem like some virtually unattainable goal.  I'm not better because I breast feed, I'm just normal. You're not worse because you formula feed, but chances are that your view of baby feeding is somewhat different to reality if you think it's simply a "choice".

Mother's Day

Today was mother's Day. It was a really lovely, simple, stay home family day and the only consumerism we partook in was one pair of lambs wool slippers. The kids made me a card each and Stylish did all the dishwashing for my present. A gave me eggs benedict and a clean house. 

This evening a good friend and her kids came over for dinner. We had lime, chili, garlic, and cayenne roasted chicken thighs on the bone and lots of vegetables. Spikee is the same age as said friend's son so they played contentedly all evening and we watched "It's Complicated" and breast fed upside down babies and folded the clothes. It was a really enjoyable movie, and a lovely day all round. Best Mother's day ever!

At least you got the groceries!

My friend went to the supermarket to go shopping. She prefers a natural diet because she knows it's better for her and her kids. She had to go on a Tuesday because that was the only day they could fit her in, despite the fact she didn't need any groceries for another week or two. They didn't have any of the food she likes to eat, the staff were rude and insisted that she buy what they had - even though she was very firm about not wanting it - they rushed her through as fast as they could and told her to be quiet so she didn't put off the other shoppers. When it was time to pay they simply fished around in her handbag, took out her wallet and the money and ushered her out the door with armfuls of shopping bags and a toddler in tow. They waved enthusiastically and said "see you again soon!"

She wasn't very happy so I said to her "Well, at least you got your groceries!"

She wasn't very happy so I said to her "but I find that supermarket WONDERFUL!?"

My friend went to the hospital to have a baby. She wanted a natural birth with no drugs. They insisted on inducing her because they didn't want too many women there on the weekend when her doctor was going on holidays. They didn't have a birth pool or allow her to move about freely in labour to ease the pain. In fact when she tried to move around they loudly chastised her, saying she was being too loud, and that other women would be frightened by her noises and that some were trying to sleep. They insisted that she have every imaginable procedure in the "cascade of interventions", despite her protesting. They even held her down and put things into her vagina against her will, once again telling her to be quiet and think of the other patients. Then they cut her baby out, told her she couldn't feel the ripping and tearing of her flesh, took her baby away, and left her in recovery, cold and alone. When it was time to discharge her they expected her to be happy, they waved and said "see you again soon".

She was traumatised, unable to breastfeed, unable to form a true bond with her baby, her caesarean scar was badly infected and burst open, she felt violated, she couldn't stop crying, she felt alone and scared, and guilty, and didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. She couldn't look after her older children and her partner couldn't take any time off work to help out.

I said to her "Well at least you got a healthy baby"

I said to her "But my caesarean was WONDERFUL!?"

RETHINK THE HEALTHY BABY LIE!

Every women is grateful for the health of her baby. But a healthy baby is NOT all the matters, mothers matter too! And just because YOU had a good birth in a hospital doesn't mean that everyone has a good hospital birth. Let mother's speak their truth!

The Cascade

Surgical baby arrival awareness month!

My first son's welcome to the world.

Yeah yeah yeah. Some women NEED caesareans. But MOST women DON'T need them. So how come more than 30% of pregnant women end their pregnancy with surgery? How come all those women are meeting their babies for the first time, drugged to the eyeballs?

Don't tell me it's because women are requesting elective surgery. If it was really because women were electing surgery then surely doctors wouldn't be conducting major surgery on healthy women and babies, they would counsel women on the risks of unnecessary major abdominal surgery and support them in planning the best possible vaginal birth.

Don't tell me it's because birthing women are older now than they were when we had a far lower caesarean rate. Because women are also living longer, and their bodies are far healthier owing to good nutrition and hygiene.

Don't tell me it's because women are too fat to have babies coming out of their vaginas. Left alone the vast majority of women labour beautifully. MOST complications during birth are the result of obstetric over management.

Don't tell me that it's because of the risks of giving birth AFTER you're already had a surgical baby removal, because the risks of repeating the baby amputation are greater than the risks of letting the baby choose it's own exit route - but doctors conveniently forget to mention that.

So what can YOU do to lower the surgical baby birthday rate?

Why not blog about it during caesarean awareness month!

You can tell women the truth about their birthing day. They DIDN'T GIVE BIRTH if the doctor cut the baby out. Even if the baby needed to be cut out, they still didn't give birth! The baby was BORN, the woman did not give birth.

You can write to your local hospital, politician, doctor, mother's group, health insurance company or anyone else involved with the beginning of life in any remote capacity.

What can you do to save yourself from having unnecessary surgery?

You must be the expert on health care during pregnancy and birth. You must NOT entrust your care to an "expert" no matter what happens. Google everything three times, read many many sources, read books, ask more than one type of birth professional how they will handle your pregnancy and what their protocol for birth is.

If you're hiring a doctor make sure you ask the difficult questions. If you're afraid to ask the doctor the right questions, WALK OUT THE DOOR, YOU HAVE THE WRONG DOCTOR. When asking questions if the conversation goes like this -->

YOU: How often do you do repeat surgery?

DR: Only when we 'really need' to

then your next question has to be

YOU: For what reasons will you suggest that I 'really need' surgery?

and if the answer that follows isn't a good one (post dates, stalled or slow labour, breech etc etc), then you must walk out the door and hire a new birth professional.

Hire a midwife - not to be confused with a MEDwife - and give birth AT HOME.

If you can't do that ask yourself why not. Is your partner against it? Tell him to go jump in a lake. Your body, your choice where and with whom you give birth. Period. I know of at least three women whose husbands overrode their desire to homebirth, the women had surgery and promptly divorced their husbands. Marriage can not survive birth trauma that is caused during unwanted hospital birth. Is money a problem? Get a loan. Save up. Pay the midwife in installments. Safe birth is priceless, unnecessary surgical birth is costly in ways you probably can't imagine.

If you still can't do it hire a doula. Know your interventions! Don't set foot in a medical birth management facility without knowing when and why the staff will try and push you into "consenting" to each medical intervention. Less than 5% of women leave a hospital after an intervention free birth. So maybe 3 or 4 in every hundred women will have an unhindered birth.

Here are some thing you should look into before going to hospital, or even hiring a care provider.

• pregnancy due date estimating
• scanning and other tests they will want you to undertake "because it's routine"
• induction
• monitoring during labour
• the effects of pain relieving drugs. ALL of them have side effects. ALL OF THEM.
• natural pain relieving techniques that the institution support and to what degree they support them (for example some hospitals will "let" you labour in water but insist you lie on your back with your legs in stirrups to push the baby out)
• how long they will "let" you labour for before they push chemical augmentation and/or surgery
• KNOW ABOUT THE CASCADE OF INTERVENTIONS.
• Know that when you set foot in a hospital you will be just one more woman in another bed and nothing more. The staff will forget your face in a week, you will remember their faces for the rest of your life. Hospital staff are the same as supermarket staff, they just want the customers to be in and out without "making their jobs difficult"
• Make sure your partner and/or any other support people you take will not tell you to "listen to the nice doctor". Make sure they know as much as you know about hospital "birth". Make sure they know that staff will use intimidation and emotional blackmail to get birthing women to cooperate.
• BE PREPARED TO SAY NO until you are blue in the face, to as many scary people in white coats as they can send in to scare you with their non evidence based practices.
• Be prepared for them to laugh at your birth plan and completely override it
• Know that you might just be that one in three who has their baby cut out
• Know that your chance of a completely natural birth in hospital are about 3-4 in 100

I am a mama who has had two caesareans. One hospital vba2c and one hba2c. The ONLY reason I got my hospital vba2c was because I had a very stubborn support team who really knew their way around obstetric birth managment, and because I turned up at the hospital at 10cm, ready to push (but they still tried to section me, telling me my contractions were ineffective). The ONLY reason I was in hospital is because I was in premature labour. Had labour begun on its' own and all been well I would have stayed WELL AWAY from the Knife Happy place.

The time has come! Women need to stop waiting for governments, hospitals and obstetric surgeons to reduce the caesarean epidemic. Women must take charge of their own pregnancy care, demand support and respect from their partners, husbands and families. Demand the care they want, the BEST and SAFEST care from their pregnancy health care professionals. Demand evidence based care, demand to SEE proof of the evidence! Source your own material, never rely on one source.

Vote with your money, take your business elsewhere if you aren't getting the service you want. Would you hire a plumber who said he would only install a toilet in your lounge room because that was what he believed was safer? No! You would hire a different plumber and insist that the toilet be installed in the bathroom. Never hire any professional unless they can guarantee you the service you seek.

Obviously some births will always end in caesarean, but those surgical births must be undertaken with the greatest of care and kindness towards the woman and babies undergoing this major surgery, and they must never be undertaken unless they are absolutely necessary.

My youngest son's welcome to the world

Spade = Spade! The REAL BIRTH lie.

Today, three years ago, I had a vba2c. My son was born still. I sometimes think that the most important gift I could have given him, was something I could not give my other two children, a REAL birth.

I recently posted a link to the story of my latest REAL birth on facebook and someone decided to tell me that it wasn't fair of me to say REAL birth, that a c/sec is also a REAL birth. I tried to be diplomatic and not offend anyone but seriously ... it was MY BIRTH! I can say what I like about MY BIRTHS! I've also had two c/secs and guess what? THEY WEREN'T REAL BIRTHS! Saying a c/sec is a REAL birth is like saying a prosthetic leg is a real leg, or dentures are the same as real teeth. No one would be that stupid or presumptuous to someone who lost a leg in a car crash. Why must we placate women by telling them that they gave birth via c/sec? Why not simply allow them to grieve?

I think what we need to do here is sit back for a minute and see why we're so invested in telling women that a birth is a birth no matter what. The only thing you need to do to be classed as having a NVD (normal vaginal delivery) is to have a baby come out of your vagina. But guess what? It's not NATURAL if there were forceps, if there was pethidine, if there was an epidural, if the cord was cut and the baby was whisked away to be poked, prodded and given an arbitrary score out of ten.

The reason we're so invested in the REAL BIRTH LIE is because hardly anyone has a natural birth that goes to plan. Well that's true of hospital birth, but not of homebirth. A NATURAL birth is where the mother is supported by those she loves and trusts, and she is the first person to touch the baby, when she pulls the baby to her and greets the baby with whispered joy and shocked elation. When those in the room looks on in silent awe of the moment that is taking place before them and leave.

What's that I hear you saying? "That's not always possible!" Well, NO SHIT! I've watched as a team of strangers tried to revive my still son, while they pumped him full of adrenalin and tried to start his tiny heart, I've been there while time stood still and all I could do was pray*. And my prayers have gone unanswered. I've also been there when my child was taken away from me, living, but needing special care after he was cut out of me. I've also had my perfectly healthy child taken from me because "babies aren't allowed in recovery". None of these experiences were NATURAL nor were they REAL births.

"how can you say that about your children?" I hear you ask. Well that's just it. I'm NOT saying it about them. They are no more their births than you are yours. I think society has latched onto the idea that birth is joyful and tried to make it a one size fits all emotion that women MUST feel when they meet their babies. How was my mother meant to feel when she met me? She'd had a general and I was cut out while she was unconscious. I know she loved me, and I know that my birth was separate to how she felt about me. That's just as well because she was off her face on pain relief! It's the same for me and my kids. I love them but THEY ARE NOT THEIR BIRTHS. My c/sec children are not their births, my stillborn son is not his birth and my triumphantly home birthed son is not his birth either. But his was the only REAL birth. And I can say that about MY BIRTHS. I can say it because it's a fact, and I can say it because I am the only person who can articulate how I FEEL.

It's time to call a spade a spade. Stop lying to women, surgery is not birth any more than dentures are real teeth. Stop having unrealistic expectation of how women should feel about THEIR births. Stop telling women they have unrealistic expectations of birth. Tell the medical world to give birth back to whom it belongs. Stay safe, stay home, and make appropriate use of medical technology only when necessary. Birth CAN be great, birth CAN be amazing, beautiful, empowering, transformative and so many other things. But only the woman whose birth it is can describe it. The more we call c/sec birth, the more we embrace the dangerous, financially motivated, medical approach to labouring women and new babies.

I wish you were here baby boy. I thank you for all that you have given me, and pray* you know how often I think of you.

* I am not religious

Painting

My hill on a balmy summer day, as seen from the window in the lounge room.

We have finally chosen colours for the house, a yellow for the weatherboards and a browny / red for around the windows. I'm thinking the doors will be another colour, I'd like them to be a dusty pink or purple but we're gonna look at it all and then decide because it has to match the green roof. A has begun scraping back the window frame on the Ugly Room window onto the carport. Today we applied some paint stripper to speed things up a bit. We're getting the Ugly Room done first because it's in need of painting quite badly. We have a bit of a dilemma coming up because we have to scrape and paint the weatherboards above the herb garden ... wish we'd thought of that before we planted it!

The hothouse is coming along really well, everything is really reaching for the sky. We planted some new tomatoes in there yesterday, a yellow cherry plant and a normal red cherry plant, so all up we have ten plants. The strawberries we're getting are so delicious and because we have so many varieties of plant I'm seeing how different they all are from each other, it seems that a strawberry is not just a strawberry!

Vinnie needs more intensive training, I keep meaning to set aside some time and just train him for about ten minutes a day but Angus has been very clingy so I haven't been able to. I'd get the kids to do it but the dog really doesn't pay much attention to them unless they're playing.

Angus is very close to crawling, he's moving about but we never seem to catch him doing it so we're not sure exactly how he does it. Right now he's wriggling around on our rug chatting to A, who is lighting a fire. Spikee has been sick with a cold, but he's really enjoying having his books unpacked now, I read him five stories while he ate his dinner tonight (a banana with manuka in it). Stylish is having a sleep over with a friend tonight, I'm sure they're changing clothes and talking about boys as I type this!

The chook is still broody! We didn't like putting her in the cat cage so we're just throwing her out of the coop all day and closing it so she can't get back in. We are getting plenty of eggs, enough to keep us well supplied. This morning we had home made bread toasted with fried eggs for breakfast. They're really yummy!

Screw you FACEBOOK!

Here are three profile photos of me breast feeding my children that facebook has removed. Apparently they are unsuitable for a family friendly site.

Please enjoy them, and don't forget to link to this blog post so they stay on facebook - a family friendly, pron loving website!

Rainbow Jumper

Here is a photo of Angus in the jumper his Aunty gave him.

Thanks AJ!

The Modern Day Migrating Feline

We're at that unbearable point where all our worldly possessions are in boxes. All my books, all my treasured things, all the kids toys (except a select few) and all their books too, are all in boxes, stacked in the hallway. I did the last basic grocery shop today, mostly snack food, and cat food and litter for his holiday at my friend's house.

I had a really difficult time packing James' ashes into a box. I put them in with all our precious things, candles from his funeral, beloved decorations, photos and gifts, then labelled the box very carefully. I had to have a good cry before I was able to put him in there though. I should be packing his toys, twice because he should be unpacking them faster than I can pack them.

I'm still working out how to transport the placenta to the new house. we have a few options.

1. Store it in my friend's freezer (next to her placenta!) then let it fly down with the cat in his carrier box, telling the airline that it's cat food because they allow that (they probably wouldn't allow a placenta)
2. Courier it down to a friend there and store it in her freezer (again, next to her placenta) until we arrive.
3. Take it with us in an esky with ice, adding more ice every time we go past a servo and storing it in hotel freezers
4. Same plan only with dry ice so it doesn't need too much maintenance as we travel.
5. Get it dehydrated so it's easy to travel with.

I'm leaning towards number one because it's the easiest way, and the only way to keep it as is. Having never had a placenta and having had four babies, I'm a bit precious about it. I want to plant it underneath a fruit tree in the new garden. I'm thinking of doing a whole placenta ceremony where everyone in the family (none of us have had our placentas buried or even honoured remotely) chooses a rock, catches some blood from our finger (the kids can just use red paint) and ties a small cutting of hair to the rock and then we'll bury it with Angus' placenta.

Today I rang several companies to find out how much it will cost to fly our cat down to us. It looks like being about $120 plus $10 cat cage (second hand from the cat protection society) and whatever the cost of sedating him will be. Yesterday I organised for our pay tv account to transfer to the house, I'm researching phone and internet options, and I've created an account for electricity. I can't get the electricity on properly until an electrician has been to the house because apparently there is a problem with the hot water meter. I've never even heard of HOT water meters so I'm inclined to agree ... there's a problem!

The Move Begins In Earnest!

We're on the count down, it's only 11 days until we're out of this house and then another six until we leave Sydney and embark upon our crazy making tree change adventure. Packing is in full swing, I'm in the process of changing the deed into my name, I've stopped grocery shopping (WOOHOO!) and I'm either throwing out or giving away a truck load of stuff - most of which our hoarder neighbour is snatching up. I discovered that I need to apply for the first home owners grant before the deed will go in my name which is irritating but it's all one big fat learning curve.

Working out what to pack and what we'll need to take with us is complicated by the differing weather in Sydney (where it was 26C today) and Tassie where it was snowing last week. It's hard to pack for the baby too because he's grown out of his winter clothing and no where is selling it now, not even vinnies. I suppose that he'll be warm enough in his trackies, strapped to me in a sling with my cardigan around him when we go outside. We're going to have to buy suitcases for the boys because taking clothes and toys for them will mean they need a fair whack of space.

The best thing about moving will be the adventure! the worst part will be NO INTERNET!!! I'm sure there will be plenty to occupy me.

A Home Birth Story

I am a mother of three children, but I have given birth to four. Two were born via surgery, and two were born naturally. My first was a planned hospital birth that turned into surgery, my second was a planned homebirth that also turned into surgery, my third was a planned freebirth that turned into a transfer at 28w and a stillbirth due to listeriosis. My fourth, is my only real birth story, and here it is, warts and all!

After six miscarriages over the course of about two years I didn't think I would ever end up with a sticky baby, but when I least expected it along came Angus. I started to see a naturopath for some herbal and homeopathic support, and had been taking her remedy for two months when I met a spiritual healer who offered me a healing session in exchange for a tarot reading. I accepted. Without ever telling her that I wanted a baby, that I had lost a son, or that I had ever had a miscarriage, the Egyptian healer said that there was a baby boy who lived in my womb, and until I had told him it was safe for him to leave I would never conceive the baby I wanted. She said that James and I had never separated and that we both needed to let go of each other.

I came home, sat on the bed with a photo of James and told him that I would always be his Mummy - at which point I realised I'd never referred to myself as his mummy - and that he would always be a part of our family. I told him that there was room in our family for another baby and I cried and cried, like I hadn't cried for a long time. Grief never leaves us, it just gets stored away in a safe place for later. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant, when I didn't think I could be and I hadn't been paying attention to my cycle.

I wasn't sure I'd ever see a baby but to be on the safe side, with the current anti home birth political climate in Australia I called a midwife straight away to book her. A few short weeks later I had my first appointment and hired her on the spot. Pregnancy went by stupidly fast, even though by my guestimation I was 43+6 days before real labour started.

At about 37w and a few days I started having pre labour. I felt more pregnant than that but I put that down to this being my fourth full term pregnancy. A beautiful friend and my doula organised my blessingway at my friend's house.

I honestly thought labour would start soon from all the rumblings, but it wasn't meant to be! Over the next 5 weeks I did lots of small pre labour stuff, lost chunks of mucous, had a few days where my hind waters leaked, had two convincing false alarms where I couldn't sleep through contx ... and no baby. Eventually after the second false alarm I decided it was time to consider an emotional blockage of some sort so I phoned my wonderful counselor and went through all the possible channels of upheaval. Who knew so much could be hidden in my herstory! Two nights later labour began in earnest at 9pm.

I didn't think I was in labour despite the intensity of the two minute apart contractions. I went from zero to 2 min apart contractions instantly, it was rather sudden. I was convinced it was more pre labour and it would all fizzle, but I told A to ring our doula and midwife just incase. Sonia - our midwife - suggested a shower, and if things were still happening after that we could assume it was real. I had two contractions between the bed and the shower and had to be helped to stand up on my two feet through them, and they kept coming, thick and fast in the shower and when I got out. I still didn't think I was in labour but told A to ask Mem (beautiful doula and friend) to come over, even saying that we'd probably call her when she was half way here and saying it wasn't labour. A called Sonia too and asked her to come over, but I called her and told her not to because it wasn't labour yet ... she said she'd come anyway (I couldn't talk through contraction when I was on the phone to her - despite the fact I WAS NOT in labour).

I paced up and down and concentrated on opening and relaxing through the non labour contractions and A started to fill the pool despite the fact I had ordered him not to because it was too early (Sonia told him to do it after she's spoken to me). 40mins later Mem arrived and I couldn't speak to her through the long intense pains, and Sonia arrived soon after. She more or less looked at me and announced that we were having a baby, she was going to get her gear out of the car - but I was still convinced that we weren't having a baby any times soon, I wasn't in labour, and it would all fizzle.

I was finding the pain very intense and it was concerning me that I wasn't coping with it - when this was only very early labour as far as I was concerned so I hopped into the pool which was full of gorgeous warm water. The weightlessness felt so good, my back felt so good, but the contractions were still bloody horrible. I was really concerned that I wouldn't be able to cope with REAL labour when it started and kept saying "how am I going to cope when it gets real?" and refusing to believe everyone who told me that IT WAS REAL! This went on for an hour or so. I was petrified that I couldn't cope ... but I must have been coping because I lived to tell the tale.

Transition hit me hard because that is the nature of the beast and I come with a fair amount of emotional baggage from previous births, plus my other births had all been over thirty hours so I was terrified that there was still a day or so of labour to come and it was too intense for me to handle it "when it gets REAL". I said over and over "This is bigger than me, I can't do it" and everyone calmly assured me that I could. A hopped in the pool and I leant on him, hugs were the best, but god damn the contractions were hurting ... and I probably wasn't even in real labour! Then out of the blue I started to feel pushy, but still at the height of transition I was terrified of pushing wrongly, pushing too early, the pain of the pushing and a myriad of other imaginary demons. I think it was at this point that I announced a strong desire to transfer to hospital for an epidural. I begged and pleaded with everyone present but they all calmly told me that I didn't really want that outcome, that I could do it here at home. I decided to up the begging when I became convinced that the baby was in a bad position and that he was stuck. My midwife finally agreed to take me to hospital .... if I packed my own hospital bag. Given that I couldn't have willingly rolled over by myself at this stage I realised I was pretty much trapped and there was only one way out. I was going to have to push. After about an hour of sporadic pushing, not on every contraction, the real work began. The piggy back contractions slowed down, and my body started to push.

Working with it wasn't easy because it hurt! I hear women saying how they felt relief at pushing, but I felt like I was trapped in a SAW movie. Actually relaxing enough to push effectively was really hard work, and I couldn't feel the baby moving down so I felt like I had been right, he was stuck and I was going to have to push for weeks, or have him cut out. Eventually I started to notice that his head was moving down but it kept going back up again. Sonia assured me that that was a good thing because it was gently stretching everything. I don't know how long I kept pushing and struggling to relax enough for it to be effective, but eventually I felt a shift, and his head moved in earnest, like he was actually coming.

By this point I got a second wave of determination, I could see the end in sight. I did feel relief from pushing but it was only emotional relief. I pushed for about forty minutes all up, I think the last fifteen minutes were the best because that's when I knew it was working and that's when I called the kids in. As Angus crowned I reached down to feel his head (even though I didn't want to because moving hurt too much) and his head felt like one of those blue ice packs so I figured it was still in the caul. I think his head took about three spaced out contractions to come out fully, and I was so relieved to feel him actually working with me in between pushing. It wasn't until then that I realised part of what had held me back, and possibly lengthened transition, was a fear of losing the baby. He was born very soon after that.

I didn't know it, but apparently I picked him up myself and just pulled him to me. He didn't breathe straight away and he was quite pale, Sonia said to blow on his face but the second I set eyes on him I was so in love that I forgot, and she blew on him and gave him a little pat and then he just started to cry. I was flooded with so many feelings, from sheer joy to relief, and just about everything in between. All I can remember is saying over and over "hello little baby". Angus is now two and a half days old and I'm still feeling all those feelings, and I'm still saying "hello little baby" to him every time I set eyes on him.

It's strange to have a baby and yet no hole in my middle. It was amazing to hold my son before anyone else did. After pains don't hurt when you don't have a huge scar, or a life threatening illness. I'm slightly torn and I feel bruised as all hell, but ... I DID do it! And there's a little baby lying next to me, sleeping peacefully, and he will grow up with two siblings who can tell him the story of his birth. I imagine their story will be something like "Mum went into labour, we played for a while then went to sleep before the midwife woke us up to see you being born". That's how it should be.

He weighed 3.51kg, was born at 3:05am, head circumference 37cm and he was 55cm long. he was born into my hands after 5 hrs and 40mins of non labour, and 20mins of pushing bloody hard!